My car is alarmed!

1 Feb

How people feel regarding my carApproximately 50% of the time we get in the car nowadays, the alarm goes off as soon as we turn the key, which is strange. If possession is 9/10 of the law, the fact that we own the keys to the car and what’s more have left our own unique brand of personalisation upon it (it is filthy, and there is a lot of Ls-related debris in the back seat, plus a few non-important – I assume – bits have broken off) should reassure it whenever we get into it that we are friend, not foe. Or, I hear you cry, the car is an inanimate object and therefore unable to rationalise in the matter you suggest, meaning that actually, there’s a mechanical fault.

Unlike recently-recounted lack of success with DIY, I refuse to acknowledge that I know nothing about cars for the following very good reasons:

1) I can test the tyre pressure;2) I can test the oil, and indeed top it up if required;
3) I’m a demon with the screenwash;
4) I’m a loyalty-discounted AA member

I therefore pretend that the alarm glitch doesn’t bother me, that it would be par for the course to drive between Swanley and our village in a vehicle shrieking rhythmically and extremely loudly. I huff at the Ls’ insistence that this is a) scary and b) embarrassing. I also think nothing of piling them in, out, in, out and in again to the car while trying various ‘fixes’ for the ‘difficulty’. These include: turning the key more gently; double-locking the car; single-locking the car; having us in the car when I turn the key (more gently, or not – these are multiple variables); having us not in the car when I turn the key (which brings to mind the terrible accident suffered by East 17’s Brian Harvey, although he doesn’t appear to have been driving a Vauxhall Zafira); and so on.

I think I should probably take it to the garage.

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